Hey everybody!!! I do apologize for the delay in posts!! For those of you that haven't been keeping up with my Facebook, I am now a flight attendant flying for Atlantic Southeast Airlines, who is now merging with Expressjet, and we do regional carrying for Delta, United, and Continental.
I'm doing decent right now, just trying to get whatever hours I can, but the lonliness of it all is starting to get to me. Especially since this is the first time in a very long time that I'm spending Christmas on my own. Normally on Christmas day I'd be with my best friend and his family or working at my church, however instead this year I'm going to be across the country.
In fact I've had to move all the way from Seattle to the Washington DC area. I'm in a small little town named Leesburg about an hour outside of DC proper, and there is not a whole lot there. Normally I just try to be working, but so far it's looking like Christmas I'll be sitting around my apt all by myself. I'm on call it would be a bad move to fly anywhere because if they will need me last minute I'd be screwed!
Don't get me wrong! I love what I do, but I'm kinda stuck at the bottom of the food chain until they decide to hire more and we get more flying. Right now it just looks like I'm going to be stuck here for a while, and that's kind of hard to take. At least with some of the other companys there is flying to be done. Even if you are low on the totem pole there, they seem to all be getting more then their garantee.
Garantee in our field is the minimum that you'd at least get paid even if you don't work that much. And some people can live off that, but I can't. It is hard to live off a minimum and not able to supplement to that. I'd take up some interpreting here if I could find clients, but that is kind of hard when you know that your schedule may change on a drop of a dime. Basically I'm the coverage for those that get sick or can't work, but surprisingly enough most of those that are with us want to be working on the holidays. Originally I was scheduled to work a great trip, then that got taken away. A day later I was given another trip and I was all set and ready to work it, but just this morning when I went to check my schedule I came to find that one gone as well. The frustration of it all is that we have people that have now been sent up this way for a temporary duty assignment, abd they of course get preferential treatment for trips since they are already being paid to come up here and sit in hotels anyways.
I understand that and realize the business sense in using them since they are being paid already to be here, but it's majorly frustrating when I have to sit around having moved here for the job and not having much I can do in the way of Christmas. And there are those that have been assigned trips who'd rather be home with friends and family, but can't since they would get in trouble for refusing it. If only we could pass on trips or pick up trips on reserve...
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
A new chapter?
As I sit here, I hear the hustle and bustle surround me. The cry of babies, the couples whispering into each others' ears just quiet enough for people to know they are chatting, but not know what they say. TV's broadcasting the most current issues and hot topics. Coffee being made and people walking to and fro, and all of this punctuated by a the landing and taking of planes. Yet the irony almost equates that I will now be working in the flight industry. Today I am off! I am about to get on the flight and fly down to my training. And to get here was such a road.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The tides of my life.
So here it is!! I'm once again at a crossroads that I don't understand! From what I've worked towards I honestly thought I would be in the interpreting business for a longer while. Instead I've been laid off. And on a whim I decided to apply to an airline to become a flight attendant.
Low and behold God's plan in my life is far more complicated and simple at the same time.
From going through a tumultuous time in a relationship to arguing with some of my closest friends. Mom having cancer and not really talking about it and also being laid off in my job. All this of course over the top of the fact that I was dealing with depression and it was getting to the point where I was sick of life. And of course I only had a few friends I could talk to about it, but half of that group were the ones I were arguing with.
Needless to say I was not in a good place. In fact I was in a horrible place. I mean come on I was sick of living! I wanted it to all be over with!!
And yet... Yet somehow God worked his miracles. He pulled me through and got me to counseling. And I really do love my counselor. The safe place that he has created for me has been very important to me. The fact that he extracted a promise out of me was also another huge thing. This promise of course was not to do anything stupid, but how he did was one that really caught my attentions. Based on our relationship both in a professional sense as patient and client, but in other settings as well he knew me well. And the fact that I can also consider him a close friend that I go to with things like this really made it more intense. His extraction of the promise was with the guarantee that if I failed to keep the promise, he would leave the profession permanently. With the knowledge of what it took for him to get where he is now that was a significant impact that I had on his life.
I guess that was the first part of God's plan in the current changes for my life. There may have been warning that this was going to happen, but I definitely was not expecting it to happen so fast and immediately. The second phase was the vacation that I planned before any of this happened. An opportunity to visit one of my best friends. I was flying into the Atlanta Airport because it was cheaper then the Birmingham one. And since I was thinking about it, I thought I'd try and apply to become a flight attendant for one of the local airlines.
Amidst all this of course I find out that my mother is battling cancer and there wasn't a lot she was sharing about it. Of course this was also in part the fact that she is a very strong Chinese woman, and culturally speaking these things are not shared. You deal with emotions internally. I was just happy to receive the little information that she gave us. But this of course creates a tension in the dynamic of how we are to interact. Again I do my best to engage, but tire of the attempt when all I get is "I'm fine"
So I go and take my trip broken. I'm ready to escape and get away from it all. I want to hide from the world and for some of the time I could, but than about half the trip left reality hit! I received an email back from the airline and thus started the craziness.
Between three emails I'm confirmed for a flight back down a week after I arrive back from Atlanta. Complicating matters worse is the fact that as I arrive back my mother has her surgery to remove the cancer. and I have less then a week to see her start to heal before I fly out to Atlanta for that interview.
As I arrive back from Atlanta I have about a day to pack all I need for a week. I then run out to Enumclaw for CreationFest! And I spend an exhausting, but exhilarating week interpreting for some great bands. Again I'm not left alone, here I receive a call letting me know that I am being invited to training from which I can possibly become an actual flight attendant. Of course I take take that information with some excitement, but have to concentrate on the task at hand.
And thus sits me on the cusp of a new tide about to wash over my life. And there I am trying not drown in the wave of all this overwhelming me. I'm packing up my life and trying very hard not to be anxious as two of my closest friends have also upset me. That and then the drama of a relationship come back to me. I don't know what to do. I love these people, but it's hard to be dealing with all this and prepare to uproot myself. I'm mean I'm going to be moving across the country!!! My heart is torn and I'm in pain from the strain that it's causing me.
For now I guess I'm going to plug on and trust that God has a plan for this to be resolved. Of course it's not going to be easy, but what else am I supposed to do? I'm being called away and it's clear to me that I need to be doing this. Not one of the 35 other applications that I filled out responded to me. Actually that's not true one did to say that they already hired, but besides that I have not heard a thing. It's the only option I have right now, and even though I'm scared witless about this all, I'm thoroughly ecstatic about it. *sigh*
Low and behold God's plan in my life is far more complicated and simple at the same time.
From going through a tumultuous time in a relationship to arguing with some of my closest friends. Mom having cancer and not really talking about it and also being laid off in my job. All this of course over the top of the fact that I was dealing with depression and it was getting to the point where I was sick of life. And of course I only had a few friends I could talk to about it, but half of that group were the ones I were arguing with.
Needless to say I was not in a good place. In fact I was in a horrible place. I mean come on I was sick of living! I wanted it to all be over with!!
And yet... Yet somehow God worked his miracles. He pulled me through and got me to counseling. And I really do love my counselor. The safe place that he has created for me has been very important to me. The fact that he extracted a promise out of me was also another huge thing. This promise of course was not to do anything stupid, but how he did was one that really caught my attentions. Based on our relationship both in a professional sense as patient and client, but in other settings as well he knew me well. And the fact that I can also consider him a close friend that I go to with things like this really made it more intense. His extraction of the promise was with the guarantee that if I failed to keep the promise, he would leave the profession permanently. With the knowledge of what it took for him to get where he is now that was a significant impact that I had on his life.
I guess that was the first part of God's plan in the current changes for my life. There may have been warning that this was going to happen, but I definitely was not expecting it to happen so fast and immediately. The second phase was the vacation that I planned before any of this happened. An opportunity to visit one of my best friends. I was flying into the Atlanta Airport because it was cheaper then the Birmingham one. And since I was thinking about it, I thought I'd try and apply to become a flight attendant for one of the local airlines.
Amidst all this of course I find out that my mother is battling cancer and there wasn't a lot she was sharing about it. Of course this was also in part the fact that she is a very strong Chinese woman, and culturally speaking these things are not shared. You deal with emotions internally. I was just happy to receive the little information that she gave us. But this of course creates a tension in the dynamic of how we are to interact. Again I do my best to engage, but tire of the attempt when all I get is "I'm fine"
So I go and take my trip broken. I'm ready to escape and get away from it all. I want to hide from the world and for some of the time I could, but than about half the trip left reality hit! I received an email back from the airline and thus started the craziness.
Between three emails I'm confirmed for a flight back down a week after I arrive back from Atlanta. Complicating matters worse is the fact that as I arrive back my mother has her surgery to remove the cancer. and I have less then a week to see her start to heal before I fly out to Atlanta for that interview.
As I arrive back from Atlanta I have about a day to pack all I need for a week. I then run out to Enumclaw for CreationFest! And I spend an exhausting, but exhilarating week interpreting for some great bands. Again I'm not left alone, here I receive a call letting me know that I am being invited to training from which I can possibly become an actual flight attendant. Of course I take take that information with some excitement, but have to concentrate on the task at hand.
And thus sits me on the cusp of a new tide about to wash over my life. And there I am trying not drown in the wave of all this overwhelming me. I'm packing up my life and trying very hard not to be anxious as two of my closest friends have also upset me. That and then the drama of a relationship come back to me. I don't know what to do. I love these people, but it's hard to be dealing with all this and prepare to uproot myself. I'm mean I'm going to be moving across the country!!! My heart is torn and I'm in pain from the strain that it's causing me.
For now I guess I'm going to plug on and trust that God has a plan for this to be resolved. Of course it's not going to be easy, but what else am I supposed to do? I'm being called away and it's clear to me that I need to be doing this. Not one of the 35 other applications that I filled out responded to me. Actually that's not true one did to say that they already hired, but besides that I have not heard a thing. It's the only option I have right now, and even though I'm scared witless about this all, I'm thoroughly ecstatic about it. *sigh*
Friday, June 3, 2011
Him
Some writing that I've done. Feedback appreciated. Please make it constructive criticism.
And there you are! The sight of which causes my heart to pitter-patter without a care. All else matters not, as my breathe becomes shallow. My hearing deafens in the thrumming my heart makes in my chest from the excitement. The very anticipation causes me to go into a cold sweat, and yet I fell like the room is too hot, stuffy in fact. My brain is a buzz as I try not to stare in your direction. Do I approach you? Do I dare? What if you reject me? What if I don't interest you? What if I'm not your type? What if...Why must I torture myself? Is there a point to this inane train of thought? The musings of my mind seem to be my worst enemy!
Oh no! You looked up!! Did you see me staring? Did you see me as I turned my head away feigning innocence? Or did you feel my piercing gaze upon you? My look of desire so clearly plastered all over my face, as the rest of the world closes off to me. I mustn't be too obvious. Nobody wants a desperate soul. And yet I feel mine clearly fighting to be with you. Never mind the effort for self control that is taking all my strength to exert on myself.
Yikes! There you go again! Do you hear my heart beating a tattoo in my chest? Do you hear it stop as you raise your head? Or maybe you hear sudden intake of breath, as I gasp at the beauty that is you. If such beauty could kill I'd have been 10 feet under as soon as you walked through that door.
How I long to look in your eyes and read what you soul has to say. I'm sure words can not express the wonders you could reveal to me. Or to envelope myself in your arms. To find that comfort of feeling secure. Where nothing in this world could touch me. To cuddle on the couch and whisper sweet nothings to each other for hours on end. The things I would do for you, if only I could find the confidence to only but speak to you. The things I would do for you in exchange for the unending love that you would give me. the emotional toil to just convince myself I'm good enough to be in your presence is getting to be too much. Should I split and run away or do I ignore my fleeting stomach and approach?
What I would give to have the gall to boldly stand before you and offer myself to you! At the very least would we be able to be friends? Love and companionship would be my ultimate desire. Yes companionship is what I seek!! The desire to be loved, to love, to have that unconditional support no matter the event in life. To bed you would be great, but to know that I'll get to wake up to your warmth beside me...to watch you prepare for bed...to behold your masculine beauty as you move around following your routine before bed. To sit in wonder as I humbly send up a prayer of thanks.
Oh My!! I shouldn't get ahead of myself! I don't even know if you play my way. Would we even have the same interests? Would I be able to hold your attention long enough? What are your interests? Would I even like the same things? (I mean I'll totally give you my total interest, but would I really be interested?) Or are we opposites? Could we even stand to be in each others' presence? Maybe we're really just not compatible...but I really hope we are.
Love at first sight? Yah...I know it's been argued and ridiculed up and down, but the way your beauty takes my breathe away can not be equaled. Oh, I've had my fair share of crushes, and many of those didn't work out to be anything more then a "Hi!" But to completely fall head over heels? Yes the feeling is very familiar, but what if you're the one? What if you're the one that I've been waiting for? What if everything I've experienced thus far were just to prepare me for you? What if the few very few I've dated before were only to help me see you? What if those were all just trainings so that I could be better prepared to be my best for you? What if...What if...what if...? The journey that I have to travel is great, but your perfection hinders my forward motion. Why do I have to be so shy around the gorgeous? I know I'm insecure, but what does that mean for me? The turmoil in my own head is too great. Maybe I should just sit and cry.
Not that crying will change anything. But maybe that's what I need to get over myself. Who knows maybe that's exactly what's wrong with me. I'm so filled with pent up emotion and frustration, that I present as an undesirable option. Is that part of my problem? I've been told that I'm cute, but I normally have no one interested. Much as I'm interested in others I can't seem to receive the attention I want.
*sigh*
I really could sit and stare at you all day! I don't think I could ever tire of the majestic beauty that you are. Yourself being such a distraction I have already lost an hour of time I should have used for work. Instead I sit here staring in your direction, all sense of time lost. And even though I'll have to work on it harder and later, I'm still going to continue watching you from a distance. I'm sure others would tell me to just go and talk to you already.
But none of them are me. So they aren't battling the same wars, and wouldn't even understand if they tried. Frustrating as it may seem I was alone in this battle and searching for an opening to find weakness.
And there you are! The sight of which causes my heart to pitter-patter without a care. All else matters not, as my breathe becomes shallow. My hearing deafens in the thrumming my heart makes in my chest from the excitement. The very anticipation causes me to go into a cold sweat, and yet I fell like the room is too hot, stuffy in fact. My brain is a buzz as I try not to stare in your direction. Do I approach you? Do I dare? What if you reject me? What if I don't interest you? What if I'm not your type? What if...Why must I torture myself? Is there a point to this inane train of thought? The musings of my mind seem to be my worst enemy!
Oh no! You looked up!! Did you see me staring? Did you see me as I turned my head away feigning innocence? Or did you feel my piercing gaze upon you? My look of desire so clearly plastered all over my face, as the rest of the world closes off to me. I mustn't be too obvious. Nobody wants a desperate soul. And yet I feel mine clearly fighting to be with you. Never mind the effort for self control that is taking all my strength to exert on myself.
Yikes! There you go again! Do you hear my heart beating a tattoo in my chest? Do you hear it stop as you raise your head? Or maybe you hear sudden intake of breath, as I gasp at the beauty that is you. If such beauty could kill I'd have been 10 feet under as soon as you walked through that door.
How I long to look in your eyes and read what you soul has to say. I'm sure words can not express the wonders you could reveal to me. Or to envelope myself in your arms. To find that comfort of feeling secure. Where nothing in this world could touch me. To cuddle on the couch and whisper sweet nothings to each other for hours on end. The things I would do for you, if only I could find the confidence to only but speak to you. The things I would do for you in exchange for the unending love that you would give me. the emotional toil to just convince myself I'm good enough to be in your presence is getting to be too much. Should I split and run away or do I ignore my fleeting stomach and approach?
What I would give to have the gall to boldly stand before you and offer myself to you! At the very least would we be able to be friends? Love and companionship would be my ultimate desire. Yes companionship is what I seek!! The desire to be loved, to love, to have that unconditional support no matter the event in life. To bed you would be great, but to know that I'll get to wake up to your warmth beside me...to watch you prepare for bed...to behold your masculine beauty as you move around following your routine before bed. To sit in wonder as I humbly send up a prayer of thanks.
Oh My!! I shouldn't get ahead of myself! I don't even know if you play my way. Would we even have the same interests? Would I be able to hold your attention long enough? What are your interests? Would I even like the same things? (I mean I'll totally give you my total interest, but would I really be interested?) Or are we opposites? Could we even stand to be in each others' presence? Maybe we're really just not compatible...but I really hope we are.
Love at first sight? Yah...I know it's been argued and ridiculed up and down, but the way your beauty takes my breathe away can not be equaled. Oh, I've had my fair share of crushes, and many of those didn't work out to be anything more then a "Hi!" But to completely fall head over heels? Yes the feeling is very familiar, but what if you're the one? What if you're the one that I've been waiting for? What if everything I've experienced thus far were just to prepare me for you? What if the few very few I've dated before were only to help me see you? What if those were all just trainings so that I could be better prepared to be my best for you? What if...What if...what if...? The journey that I have to travel is great, but your perfection hinders my forward motion. Why do I have to be so shy around the gorgeous? I know I'm insecure, but what does that mean for me? The turmoil in my own head is too great. Maybe I should just sit and cry.
Not that crying will change anything. But maybe that's what I need to get over myself. Who knows maybe that's exactly what's wrong with me. I'm so filled with pent up emotion and frustration, that I present as an undesirable option. Is that part of my problem? I've been told that I'm cute, but I normally have no one interested. Much as I'm interested in others I can't seem to receive the attention I want.
*sigh*
I really could sit and stare at you all day! I don't think I could ever tire of the majestic beauty that you are. Yourself being such a distraction I have already lost an hour of time I should have used for work. Instead I sit here staring in your direction, all sense of time lost. And even though I'll have to work on it harder and later, I'm still going to continue watching you from a distance. I'm sure others would tell me to just go and talk to you already.
But none of them are me. So they aren't battling the same wars, and wouldn't even understand if they tried. Frustrating as it may seem I was alone in this battle and searching for an opening to find weakness.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Where I'd rather be right now.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Less of Me?
Less of me? What could that possibly mean? Well since Christmas I've been working incredibly hard to lose weight. And lose I have! When I first started someone even had the audacity to say, "Good, you're getting a bit fat!" At one point I thought I should do it to prove them wrong, but I knew I had to do it for me and no one else. In fact I've now lost 20 pounds worth. And I'm not giving up yet! Yes I've lost a fair amount, but my new goal is to reach the point where I regain my natural energy back. I'm not looking to be extra skinny or anything like that, but I want to be at a natural place where I won't have to worry about the problems that happen in my family. Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, and High Sodium, are among the number of issues that seem to have plagued my relatives. This is me taking a stand! I don't want to be caught in this at all! I want to take control of my life and make a difference.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A thought, glimmer of a dream, a childhood fantasy? Scratch it all!
Ok so I had all but given up hope to one day sing and perform. Maybe even become famous! I know that odds...I even know the hopelessly large amounts of fails, but can you help the fact that a person has a dream? So today I was just playing music...okay fine I was singing along. But still I'm in an office on the bottom floor of a building, on a day when no one should be there at all. Except for maybe one of the custodians right? So I'm just chillin' listening Singing along to "Hey Soul Sister" (mind you I haven't had training for years) and in walks one of our interns that work directly with music. I mean the guy was hired for the direct reason of leading others in singing and playing music! He walks halfway past the door way and giggles. And what does he say? "Sorry I just had to see if it was for real?" Then giggles and walks out. I mean come on, how embarrassing!! Was I so horrible that he had to laugh at me? And what's with that? You just had to come by to laugh? Oi!!! Why do people do such things? Maybe they don't know the way they come off, but come on!!!! *sigh* Enough ranting....maybe if you had done something nice like offer lessons so something instead. And here I thought you were a nice person. I would have liked to have been friends. Everyone else seems to enjoy being in your presence...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)