Some writing that I've done. Feedback appreciated. Please make it constructive criticism.
And there you are! The sight of which causes my heart to pitter-patter without a care. All else matters not, as my breathe becomes shallow. My hearing deafens in the thrumming my heart makes in my chest from the excitement. The very anticipation causes me to go into a cold sweat, and yet I fell like the room is too hot, stuffy in fact. My brain is a buzz as I try not to stare in your direction. Do I approach you? Do I dare? What if you reject me? What if I don't interest you? What if I'm not your type? What if...Why must I torture myself? Is there a point to this inane train of thought? The musings of my mind seem to be my worst enemy!
Oh no! You looked up!! Did you see me staring? Did you see me as I turned my head away feigning innocence? Or did you feel my piercing gaze upon you? My look of desire so clearly plastered all over my face, as the rest of the world closes off to me. I mustn't be too obvious. Nobody wants a desperate soul. And yet I feel mine clearly fighting to be with you. Never mind the effort for self control that is taking all my strength to exert on myself.
Yikes! There you go again! Do you hear my heart beating a tattoo in my chest? Do you hear it stop as you raise your head? Or maybe you hear sudden intake of breath, as I gasp at the beauty that is you. If such beauty could kill I'd have been 10 feet under as soon as you walked through that door.
How I long to look in your eyes and read what you soul has to say. I'm sure words can not express the wonders you could reveal to me. Or to envelope myself in your arms. To find that comfort of feeling secure. Where nothing in this world could touch me. To cuddle on the couch and whisper sweet nothings to each other for hours on end. The things I would do for you, if only I could find the confidence to only but speak to you. The things I would do for you in exchange for the unending love that you would give me. the emotional toil to just convince myself I'm good enough to be in your presence is getting to be too much. Should I split and run away or do I ignore my fleeting stomach and approach?
What I would give to have the gall to boldly stand before you and offer myself to you! At the very least would we be able to be friends? Love and companionship would be my ultimate desire. Yes companionship is what I seek!! The desire to be loved, to love, to have that unconditional support no matter the event in life. To bed you would be great, but to know that I'll get to wake up to your warmth beside me...to watch you prepare for bed...to behold your masculine beauty as you move around following your routine before bed. To sit in wonder as I humbly send up a prayer of thanks.
Oh My!! I shouldn't get ahead of myself! I don't even know if you play my way. Would we even have the same interests? Would I be able to hold your attention long enough? What are your interests? Would I even like the same things? (I mean I'll totally give you my total interest, but would I really be interested?) Or are we opposites? Could we even stand to be in each others' presence? Maybe we're really just not compatible...but I really hope we are.
Love at first sight? Yah...I know it's been argued and ridiculed up and down, but the way your beauty takes my breathe away can not be equaled. Oh, I've had my fair share of crushes, and many of those didn't work out to be anything more then a "Hi!" But to completely fall head over heels? Yes the feeling is very familiar, but what if you're the one? What if you're the one that I've been waiting for? What if everything I've experienced thus far were just to prepare me for you? What if the few very few I've dated before were only to help me see you? What if those were all just trainings so that I could be better prepared to be my best for you? What if...What if...what if...? The journey that I have to travel is great, but your perfection hinders my forward motion. Why do I have to be so shy around the gorgeous? I know I'm insecure, but what does that mean for me? The turmoil in my own head is too great. Maybe I should just sit and cry.
Not that crying will change anything. But maybe that's what I need to get over myself. Who knows maybe that's exactly what's wrong with me. I'm so filled with pent up emotion and frustration, that I present as an undesirable option. Is that part of my problem? I've been told that I'm cute, but I normally have no one interested. Much as I'm interested in others I can't seem to receive the attention I want.
*sigh*
I really could sit and stare at you all day! I don't think I could ever tire of the majestic beauty that you are. Yourself being such a distraction I have already lost an hour of time I should have used for work. Instead I sit here staring in your direction, all sense of time lost. And even though I'll have to work on it harder and later, I'm still going to continue watching you from a distance. I'm sure others would tell me to just go and talk to you already.
But none of them are me. So they aren't battling the same wars, and wouldn't even understand if they tried. Frustrating as it may seem I was alone in this battle and searching for an opening to find weakness.
