Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The long awaited return!

Hey everybody!!! I do apologize for the delay in posts!! For those of you that haven't been keeping up with my Facebook, I am now a flight attendant flying for Atlantic Southeast Airlines, who is now merging with Expressjet, and we do regional carrying for Delta, United, and Continental.

I'm doing decent right now, just trying to get whatever hours I can, but the lonliness of it all is starting to get to me. Especially since this is the first time in a very long time that I'm spending Christmas on my own. Normally on Christmas day I'd be with my best friend and his family or working at my church, however instead this year I'm going to be across the country.

In fact I've had to move all the way from Seattle to the Washington DC area. I'm in a small little town named Leesburg about an hour outside of DC proper, and there is not a whole lot there. Normally I just try to be working, but so far it's looking like Christmas I'll be sitting around my apt all by myself. I'm on call it would be a bad move to fly anywhere because if they will need me last minute I'd be screwed!

Don't get me wrong! I love what I do, but I'm kinda stuck at the bottom of the food chain until they decide to hire more and we get more flying. Right now it just looks like I'm going to be stuck here for a while, and that's kind of hard to take. At least with some of the other companys there is flying to be done. Even if you are low on the totem pole there, they seem to all be getting more then their garantee.

Garantee in our field is the minimum that you'd at least get paid even if you don't work that much. And some people can live off that, but I can't. It is hard to live off a minimum and not able to supplement to that. I'd take up some interpreting here if I could find clients, but that is kind of hard when you know that your schedule may change on a drop of a dime. Basically I'm the coverage for those that get sick or can't work, but surprisingly enough most of those that are with us want to be working on the holidays. Originally I was scheduled to work a great trip, then that got taken away. A day later I was given another trip and I was all set and ready to work it, but just this morning when I went to check my schedule I came to find that one gone as well. The frustration of it all is that we have people that have now been sent up this way for a temporary duty assignment, abd they of course get preferential treatment for trips since they are already being paid to come up here and sit in hotels anyways.

I understand that and realize the business sense in using them since they are being paid already to be here, but it's majorly frustrating when I have to sit around having moved here for the job and not having much I can do in the way of Christmas. And there are those that have been assigned trips who'd rather be home with friends and family, but can't since they would get in trouble for refusing it. If only we could pass on trips or pick up trips on reserve...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A new chapter?

As I sit here, I hear the hustle and bustle surround me. The cry of babies, the couples whispering into each others' ears just quiet enough for people to know they are chatting, but not know what they say. TV's broadcasting the most current issues and hot topics. Coffee being made and people walking to and fro, and all of this punctuated by a the landing and taking of planes. Yet the irony almost equates that I will now be working in the flight industry. Today I am off! I am about to get on the flight and fly down to my training. And to get here was such a road.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The tides of my life.

So here it is!! I'm once again at a crossroads that I don't understand! From what I've worked towards I honestly thought I would be in the interpreting business for a longer while. Instead I've been laid off. And on a whim I decided to apply to an airline to become a flight attendant.

Low and behold God's plan in my life is far more complicated and simple at the same time.

From going through a tumultuous time in a relationship to arguing with some of my closest friends. Mom having cancer and not really talking about it and also being laid off in my job. All this of course over the top of the fact that I was dealing with depression and it was getting to the point where I was sick of life. And of course I only had a few friends I could talk to about it, but half of that group were the ones I were arguing with.

Needless to say I was not in a good place. In fact I was in a horrible place. I mean come on I was sick of living! I wanted it to all be over with!!

And yet... Yet somehow God worked his miracles. He pulled me through and got me to counseling. And I really do love my counselor. The safe place that he has created for me has been very important to me. The fact that he extracted a promise out of me was also another huge thing. This promise of course was not to do anything stupid, but how he did was one that really caught my attentions. Based on our relationship both in a professional sense as patient and client, but in other settings as well he knew me well. And the fact that I can also consider him a close friend that I go to with things like this really made it more intense. His extraction of the promise was with the guarantee that if I failed to keep the promise, he would leave the profession permanently. With the knowledge of what it took for him to get where he is now that was a significant impact that I had on his life.

I guess that was the first part of God's plan in the current changes for my life. There may have been warning that this was going to happen, but I definitely was not expecting it to happen so fast and immediately. The second phase was the vacation that I planned before any of this happened. An opportunity to visit one of my best friends. I was flying into the Atlanta Airport because it was cheaper then the Birmingham one. And since I was thinking about it, I thought I'd try and apply to become a flight attendant for one of the local airlines.

Amidst all this of course I find out that my mother is battling cancer and there wasn't a lot she was sharing about it. Of course this was also in part the fact that she is a very strong Chinese woman, and culturally speaking these things are not shared. You deal with emotions internally. I was just happy to receive the little information that she gave us. But this of course creates a tension in the dynamic of how we are to interact. Again I do my best to engage, but tire of the attempt when all I get is "I'm fine"

So I go and take my trip broken. I'm ready to escape and get away from it all. I want to hide from the world and for some of the time I could, but than about half the trip left reality hit! I received an email back from the airline and thus started the craziness.

Between three emails I'm confirmed for a flight back down a week after I arrive back from Atlanta. Complicating matters worse is the fact that as I arrive back my mother has her surgery to remove the cancer. and I have less then a week to see her start to heal before I fly out to Atlanta for that interview.

As I arrive back from Atlanta I have about a day to pack all I need for a week. I then run out to Enumclaw for CreationFest! And I spend an exhausting, but exhilarating week interpreting for some great bands. Again I'm not left alone, here I receive a call letting me know that I am being invited to training from which I can possibly become an actual flight attendant. Of course I take take that information with some excitement, but have to concentrate on the task at hand.

And thus sits me on the cusp of a new tide about to wash over my life. And there I am trying not drown in the wave of all this overwhelming me. I'm packing up my life and trying very hard not to be anxious as two of my closest friends have also upset me. That and then the drama of a relationship come back to me. I don't know what to do. I love these people, but it's hard to be dealing with all this and prepare to uproot myself. I'm mean I'm going to be moving across the country!!! My heart is torn and I'm in pain from the strain that it's causing me.

For now I guess I'm going to plug on and trust that God has a plan for this to be resolved. Of course it's not going to be easy, but what else am I supposed to do? I'm being called away and it's clear to me that I need to be doing this. Not one of the 35 other applications that I filled out responded to me. Actually that's not true one did to say that they already hired, but besides that I have not heard a thing. It's the only option I have right now, and even though I'm scared witless about this all, I'm thoroughly ecstatic about it.  *sigh* 

Friday, June 3, 2011

Him

Some writing that I've done. Feedback appreciated. Please make it constructive criticism.


And there you are! The sight of which causes my heart to pitter-patter without a care. All else matters not, as my breathe becomes shallow. My hearing deafens in the thrumming  my heart makes in my chest from the excitement. The very anticipation causes me to go into a cold sweat, and yet I fell like the room is too hot, stuffy in fact. My brain is a buzz as I try not to stare in your direction. Do I approach you? Do I dare? What if you reject me? What if I don't interest you? What if I'm not your type? What if...Why must I torture myself? Is there a point to this inane train of thought? The musings of my mind seem to be my worst enemy!

Oh no! You looked up!! Did you see me staring? Did you see me as I turned my head away feigning innocence? Or did you feel my piercing gaze upon you? My look of desire so clearly plastered all over my face, as the rest of the world closes off to me. I mustn't be too obvious. Nobody wants a desperate soul. And yet I feel mine clearly fighting to be with you. Never mind the effort for self control that is taking all my strength to exert on myself.

Yikes! There you go again! Do you hear my heart beating a tattoo in my chest? Do you hear it stop as you raise your head? Or maybe you hear sudden intake of breath, as I gasp at the beauty that is you. If such beauty could kill I'd have been 10 feet under as soon as you walked through that door.

How I long to look in your eyes and read what you soul has to say. I'm sure words can not express the wonders you could reveal to me. Or to envelope myself in your arms. To find that comfort of feeling secure. Where nothing in this world could touch me. To cuddle on the couch and whisper sweet nothings to each other for hours on end. The things I would do for you, if only I could find the confidence to only but speak to you. The things I would do for you in exchange for the unending love that you would give me. the emotional toil to just convince myself  I'm good enough to be in your presence is getting to be too much. Should I split and run away or do I ignore my fleeting stomach and approach?

What I would give to have the gall to boldly stand before you and offer myself to you! At the very least would we be able to be friends? Love and companionship would be my ultimate desire. Yes companionship is what I seek!! The desire to be loved, to love, to have that unconditional support no matter the event in life. To bed you would be great, but to know that I'll get to wake up to your warmth beside me...to watch you prepare for bed...to behold your masculine beauty as you move around following your routine before bed. To sit in wonder as I humbly send up a prayer of thanks.

Oh My!! I shouldn't get ahead of myself! I don't even know if you play my way. Would we even have the same interests? Would I be able to hold your attention long enough? What are your interests? Would I even like the same things? (I mean I'll totally give you my total interest, but would I really be interested?) Or are we opposites? Could we even stand to be in each others' presence? Maybe we're really just not compatible...but I really hope we are.

Love at first sight? Yah...I know it's been argued and ridiculed up and down, but the way your beauty takes my breathe away can not be equaled. Oh, I've had my fair share of crushes, and many of those didn't work out to be anything more then a "Hi!" But to completely fall head over heels? Yes the feeling is very familiar, but what if you're the one? What if you're the one that I've been waiting for? What if everything I've experienced thus far were just to prepare  me for you? What if the few very few I've dated before were only to help me see you? What if those were all just trainings so that I could be better prepared to be my best for you? What if...What if...what if...? The journey that I have to travel is great, but your perfection hinders my forward motion. Why do I have to be so shy around the gorgeous? I know I'm insecure, but what does that mean for me? The turmoil in my own head is too great. Maybe I should just sit and cry.

Not that crying will change anything. But maybe that's what I need to get over myself. Who knows maybe that's exactly what's wrong with me. I'm so filled with pent up emotion and frustration, that I present as an undesirable option. Is that part of my problem? I've been told  that I'm cute, but I normally have no one interested. Much as I'm interested in others I can't seem to receive the attention I want.

*sigh*

I really could sit and stare at you all day! I don't think I could ever tire of the majestic beauty that you are. Yourself being such a distraction I have already lost an hour of time I should have used for work. Instead I sit here staring in your direction, all sense of time lost. And even though I'll have to work on it harder and later, I'm still going to continue watching you from a distance. I'm sure others would tell me to just go and talk to you already.

But none of them are me. So they aren't battling the same wars, and wouldn't even understand if they tried. Frustrating as it may seem I was alone in this battle and searching for an opening to find weakness.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Where I'd rather be right now.

So I'm sitting here at very well know Seattle Coffee joint right now listening the sweet serenading of friends. Songs that either they made themselves, or musical theater songs. I'm enjoying greatly!! But deep in my soul I know that my heart is elsewhere! As much as I can step away from life here and there, I still have to come back to the real world, and I'm not so sure I want to be here right now. My thoughts are scattered, and it's slightly hard to ignore that things are going over my head, people aren't stopping to explain. That's fine if you want to have a conversation all to yourselves! But really why don't you do that when I'm not here. Maybe I'm just TMSing, but flip!!! I hate to be left out and when it's continual it hurts. I know it's not intentional in the pain, but it still hurts anyways. I'm here where I am because I want to enjoy, but if you're going to sit next to me and not include me in the conversation that is RUDE!!! I love you people greatly!! In fact you've changed my life more then I thought possible!!! AAAhhhhh!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Less of Me?

Less of me? What could that possibly mean? Well since Christmas I've been working incredibly hard to lose weight. And lose I have! When I first started someone even had the audacity to say, "Good, you're getting a bit fat!" At one point I thought I should do it to prove them wrong, but I knew I had to do it for me and no one else. In fact I've now lost 20 pounds worth. And I'm not giving up yet! Yes I've lost a fair amount, but my new goal is to reach the point where I regain my natural energy back. I'm not looking to be extra skinny or anything like that, but I want to be at a natural place where I won't have to worry about the problems that happen in my family. Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, and High Sodium, are among the number of issues that seem to have plagued my relatives. This is me taking a stand! I don't want to be caught in this at all! I want to take control of my life and make a difference.


Saturday, January 8, 2011

A thought, glimmer of a dream, a childhood fantasy? Scratch it all!

Ok so I had all but given up hope to one day sing and perform. Maybe even become famous! I know that odds...I even know the hopelessly large amounts of fails, but can you help the fact that a person has a dream? So today I was just playing music...okay fine I was singing along. But still I'm in an office on the bottom floor of a building, on a day when no one should be there at all. Except for maybe one of the custodians right? So I'm just chillin' listening Singing along to "Hey Soul Sister" (mind you I haven't had training for years) and in walks one of our interns that work directly with music. I mean the guy was hired for the direct reason of leading others in singing and playing music! He walks halfway past the door way and giggles. And what does he say? "Sorry I just had to see if it was for real?" Then giggles and walks out. I mean come on, how embarrassing!! Was I so horrible that he had to laugh at me? And what's with that? You just had to come by to laugh? Oi!!! Why do people do such things? Maybe they don't know the way they come off, but come on!!!! *sigh* Enough ranting....maybe if you had done something nice like offer lessons so something instead. And here I thought you were a nice person. I would have liked to have been friends. Everyone else seems to enjoy being in your presence...

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Afternoon!!!!

 Sitting around enjoying each others' company
 Errol, Peter, and I on top of a sand dune in the sunset
 The Family!!
 Da Boys!
 Da Boys and the wifey
 Mom and Dad!!
 Silly Pose!!!
And I still got it!!! I'm full on doing a toe-touch with pointed toes!!! This was taken on Encinitas Beach on Christmas day!!! I'm glad I haven't lost the skills!
Ok so I totally am uploading a ton of pics, but I can't help it right now!!! I'm kinda sad that I have to head back to Seattle tomorrow.... Oi!! Oh well!! At least I had this trip!!

Christmas morning!!!

Completely enjoying a wonderful Christmas morning with the Cleary's and really appreciating the wonderful sun that we have been having today. My only regret is not having more time to spend here.

Last night I was able to chat with a friend that I haven't seen in a few years. He happened to move out here to the Oceanside area a few months ago, and is still looking for a good location to move to in San Diego proper where he works. We hung out and had a great conversation that was really encouraging for me, and helped me process. (Why can't I be comfortable in my own skin like he is? *sigh*) I'll get there with time, I just need to stop being so afraid to live into who I am.

 Bird of Paradise
 Just outside the Cleary's abode
 I thought they were gorgeous
 Before we started
 And here we go
 Our gift tag interpreter
 All sending a text to a Cleary Cousin at the same time.
More texting
 Silly Errol
 Errol using his new light saber chopsticks
On another note, this morning was so much fun!! We got to sit around and pass presents out and enjoy each others reactions to what we received. It was so much fun!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Finally Christmas break!!!!

Oi!!! It's been a while!!! Life has taken quite a crazy track! Many things have been happening and I'm just tired. For sure S.A.D.'s has a great deal to do with my tiredness. I'm completely drained of energy and have a general lethargic state of mind. And being easily distracted doesn't help all either. I try to get things done, and all of the sudden my head is drooping over the keyboard, or find myself surfing the web. I don't either of those things to happen, but it's kinda hard when I don't even realize it's happening. It's kinda like a state of detachment. Not really the best, when you've got a lot to do.


But alas!!! I'm now with Errol and family in California!!! I've needed this so much. As I type to you all I'm sitting on the front porch in the sunlight trying to soak in the rays as well. It's high 60's low 70's and I'm loving it!!! I'm trying to throw this foggy headededness but the sun is helpinf immensely!!

 The fire in the pit
 Yeah Christmas tree!!

 Just chilllin', making smores
 Dad was surprised with the fire pit.
 Glorious fire in the pit that the boys just bought.
Chocolate on the face from some yummy smores.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The holiday debate!

So here's the debate:

Some say that Christmas should only be limited to the month of December. That the stores out there shouldn't put out their Christmas products until the month of.

However I tend to celebrate longer then most. I set-up my lights at the end of October. I don't plug it in until just after Halloween, but some of my friends can't stand it!

What are your thoughts? I love Christmas and will continue to do as I do, but I'd love to hear what others do.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Some more pics of the snow


This morning when I woke up 


The view tonight outside my apt


A closer view of the gorgeous moon.

The moon tonight is beautiful!! 

Seattle Winter 2010

So of course Seattle's been snowing. So what's the big deal says the rest of the country? Well, we're not so used to the snow. We usually get a little bit, but it normally doesn't stick more then a few hours. Yesterday was unexpected. The snow came in fast and strong. And really that wasn't the most of it. In the end, the real problem was the cold. Midway through the day the sun came out for a little bit and started to melt, and then as soon as the sun set, the cold took hold and the freezing wind blew in from Alaska. Talk about problems! The snow continued to fall, the cold froze it, and people were still on the roads trying to get home. Oh and you can't forget the fact that more than a majority of Seattlites can't drive in the snow. All this added together makes for great snow days for our kids, but danger on our streets.



The view from my work in Seattle towards downtown and Queen Anne.


Slippery Hill to traverse on the way back from Starbucks.


So we made a Starbucks hajj for a warm breverage, and it was so cold outside, that as soon as we stepped inside Max's glasses fogged up. It took so long to re-adjust that he finally had to pull them off to wipe off.
The view of from when the snow and wind were blowing!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Guys Night Out

So the other night I went out with the guys, and had a great evening! We met at Blue C Sushi for some dinner. Convo was great and enjoyed that.



After we (minus one) went out to the movies. We watched "Unstoppable" And for those of you that don't know, I rarely have time to see movies. The movie was based off a true story, but the acting by some of the characters and the cheesy movie cuts totally threw it for me. I mean the audience was literally laughing at different cut screens, when it was supposed to be a serious moment. Whatever! I'm no movie critic, but I'd say that the ratings may not be as high as they want.

After that we went to Tango, a great Tapas restaurant!! Enjoyed some great food and drinks, and chilled a while before spliting up for the night. Needless to say...Great convo, great friends, and great time= Happy ME!!! I hope to do that again soon.

Amariya my puppy

 This was just a moment when I caught her waking up. Love the tongue action right?
 What are you doing?
 I wanna smell!!! What's that in my face?
 This is how she looked when she was rescued. Completely emaciated and not doing well.
 Obviously doing better and highly curious!
Mid-day nap right on my belly. lol

In the beginning

So here it is!! Here's my very own blog!!! I've posted on others and read a many, but now I shall delve into my own life and let others partake if they choose. For you to know who I am would be more than what you read, but I'll do my best for ya. And thus the many facets of my life. Feel free to email me if I've been silent for a while. I tend to keep busy and things get forgotten. I appreciate a reminder here and there. I dare say that it will give me a lot to think about, but my friends would probably tell ya that I also have a big mouth and have a hard time shutting up. If you all have questions/suggestions, let me know! I'd love for this to be an interactive thing. That will help me keep this up and going.